Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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