So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
