Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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