fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
