I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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