Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
