If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
