Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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