i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
