when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
