She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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