your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
