we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
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getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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