Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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