Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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