plz talk dirty to me
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
