Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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