very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
