Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
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Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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