Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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