i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
