he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
