I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
