He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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