I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
