You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
