I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
