We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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