he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
