They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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