i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
