At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
