I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
