Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
