She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
