btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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