omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
