so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
