just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Sorry about my life...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
