I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
