he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
