He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
