remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize