And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
