I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
