i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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