Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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