how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
The air taste purple.
Randomize
