If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
