Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
