When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
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screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
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I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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