Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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