I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
