Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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