He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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