i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
