i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
