im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
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So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
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Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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