I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
