Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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