I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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