Can i not drive my cunt home
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
