ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
