we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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