You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize