idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
