like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
