She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
