You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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