I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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