Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
