I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He felt like a one man threesome
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
