he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
