How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
